“Tourism Australia, good afternoon.”
“Ah hello, I’m calling from the Oprah Winfrey Show in the United States and I was wondering if I could speak to President Rudd.”
“Um, Mr Rudd doesn’t work here. He was the Prime Minister but he’s... well, he’s um, he doesn’t work here.”
“Oh, okay then. Well is there someone I can talk to about Oprah coming Down Under?”
“Is this Hamish?”
“Excuse me?”
“Hamish from 2day FM. Doing one of those funny calls.”
“Ah, no I’m sorry. Do you know Oprah Winfrey? From America?”
“Uh, dir. Hello? Is Doctor Phil there too?”
“Excuse me?”
“Can I say hi to Doctor Phil.”
“No Doctor Phil isn’t here. I mean, he’s probably around somewhere; he works in another studio. Look, Oprah’s had this great idea of bringing one or two of her shows to Australia. She’s going to get her best friend John Travolta to fly one of his Qantas jets and then have a big party in the Opera House which we were hoping to change to the Oprah House. Isn’t that a riot?”
“Could you hold please, I have another call.” CLICK.
“Hello?”
CLICK. “Sorry to keep you. How may I help you?”
“Yes, I’d like to speak to someone about Oprah Winfrey coming Down Under.”
“Oh yes right. Um, now, you’re calling from North America?
“That’s right. Chicago.”
“Ooh, the windy city. Yes, now we have an executive general manager for our North American market which is probably who you would be best to speak to I believe. Except he’s not in at the moment... He’s... he’s actually mustering some wild kangaroos.”
“Really?”
“Yes... with President Rudd.”
“Goodness. Is that dangerous?”
“Um, no... only if you fall off the one you’re riding.”
“Wow. Okay, well can I leave a message?”
“You can try but he’s had a lot of calls today. Queen Elizabeth, Fergie, the singer not the Duchess, Nicole Kidman wanted something or other, and Bindi Irwin’s lawyer called about some contract change. It might be best if you called back tomorrow.”
“Oh okay then. Thank you so much for your help.”
“My pleasure. Say hi to Oprah for me.”
“I’ll make sure I do that.”
CLICK. CLICK.
“Hey, is Oprah still around?”
“She’s with Dr Phil.”
“Okay, well when you see her can you tell her that we might have a problem with Australia.”
“What kind of problem?”
“Apparently they ride kangaroos and they might want Oprah to do it as a sign of goodwill between our nations or something. I think that’s why Obama pulled out of his trip... Thoughts?”
“You call Hugh and I’ll call Olivia. And maybe see if Russell’s got any on his farm that Oprah can practice on.”
“Maybe we should’ve gone with Hawaii.”
“Damn straight.”
Okay, a bit of fun and it probably didn’t happen like this. Seriously though, as one industry pundit quipped recently, Oprah’s visit to Australia really is “the ultimate incentive”. If it goes well, and it surely will, Australia’s reputation for hosting high-profile incentive-style groups will only be enhanced. And Tourism Australia should be commended for its involvement!










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