Want to know a secret to get people on your side? From winning a conference tender to getting a new client, from interviewing potential employees to motivating staff, from speaking in front of an audience or simply around the dinner table trying to get your children to do what you desire, you can communicate more effectively and be much more persuasive and memorable.
These are the lessons I learnt from a 5’1’’ (ex) hairdresser years ago by the name of Patricia Fripp. Today, she is one of the top speech and sales presentation coaches in the United States.
Effective communication hinges on the connections you make. You connect with people in two ways: intellectually and emotionally.
The intellectual connection naturally occurs when you speak in a structured, logical and organised manner (as opposed to jumping all over the place). You can almost think of it as a bullet pointed list. Point 1 – example A, B, C. Point 2 - example A, B, C. This logical progression of the information you want to get across encompasses your intellectual connection. Everyone does this more or less.
It’s the emotional connection that takes you from being average to the rock star of persuasion and sales. It’s your delivery of the information.
So how do you make an emotional connection? Three vital components: eye contact, the correct I/you ratio, and stories and how you tell them.
We can breeze over eye contact. You know how to do that.
The I/you ratio is one every single person gets dramatically wrong. I remember Patricia repeatedly saying “You’re not the hero”. Everything you say must be from the listener’s perspective. You must bring them into the point you’re making. They care about themselves, not you.
Your presentation of 10 slides should have nine about the prospect and one about you – instead of the vice versa norm. If you tell stories, it’s not about your client, your husband, your children, your experiences. Turn it around to “do you have a client like x” or “Is there a women in your life like Steve, my husband”? or “Have you ever had a time in your life when…”
Do you see how you could easily make the change from “I” to
“you?” You’ll keep their attention this way. Care to count the number of “you” in this article?
The final component that makes you outstanding above all others is the stories you tell. However, it is not simply what you tell; it’s how you tell them that is of paramount importance.
We all tell stories. You probably have a repertoire you use. But to make your stories more memorable and persuasive, they must have three elements: flesh and blood characters, dialogue, and dramatic impact.
I always thought that you had to minimise detail so as not to bore people. This is a misconception. Details are what people remember and relate to. Specificity builds your credibility (Patricia said - and boy she was right - if you use picture words, it’s even better).
Be succinctly descriptive - striking woman with raven black hair. Warm, blustery day.
Forget “he said, she said” as you tell the story. Relay it with dialogue. If you examine the best storytellers or comedians you’ll notice they use different voices and even act out a bit of the action as they tell the story.
Don’t remember exactly what was said? No problem, recount it to your best memory, fill in a hole here and there. But still relate it as the conversation that occurred.
Finally, Hollywood it. Your story doesn’t have to start in the beginning or finish at the end. Look for the most dramatic part and start there for impact. Then fill in with back story. This grabs them and makes them want more.
To be more persuasive and memorable, ace the intellectual connection and go for the emotions. You emotionally connect with your audience of 500 or one or three by having good eye contact. [Have] An I/you ratio that leaves you almost entirely out of the picture, and [have] good illustrative stories that get your point across. Your stories go from good to fabulous when you make them come to life with characters, conversation and a dollop of drama.
Article by international speaker and best selling author Debbie Mayo-Smith. For hundreds of free quick business tips visit www.debbiespeaks.co.nz.
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